I CAN MOONWALK!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
