Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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