Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
