i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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