Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
