she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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