the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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