This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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