Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize