You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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