Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
