i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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