FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
