Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
