You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
