i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
