Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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