Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
