I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
