Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
