she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
