She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
