is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
