FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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