apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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