hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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