Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
