I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize