You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize