Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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