I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I want is dick and wine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize