It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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