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My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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