i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
