I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
