I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
