Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
