Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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