God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
