almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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