For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
