After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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