you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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