i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
