I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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