My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
