I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
