I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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