Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
