You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
