too bad you live with your parents still
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You ruined the universe
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
