My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My feet surprised me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
