but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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