two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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