Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
