gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
