First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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