I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
