The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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