i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
