Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
