So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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