Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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