Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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