By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
