Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
