the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
