she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize