sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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