My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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